“By the mark twain,” “Quarter less three,” “Nine and a half,” “Se-ven feet,” the boat proceeding still slower till the cry is heard, “No-o-o-o bottom,” at which the vessel plunges on her course again as if released of an incubus, to plough the reddish water till it rages around her bow in a thousand whirling circlets.Our steamer was full to overflowing with travellers of every rank, age, sex, and condition of life, who were all bound to the Eldorado of the west – the Rocky Mountains – to seek new homes and new employment. During the daytime, the gaudy but commodious cabin presented a curious sight. At the after part of the saloon, which is styled the ladies’ cabin, sat groups of “Muchly” crinolined farmers’ wives and daughters, frowsy dowagers, and laughing maidens. Some ladies sat singly (doubtless old maids), who rocked their chairs in a very melancholy manner, or appeared absorbed in some novel. At the gentlemen’s end was a motley assemblage of characters – divines, dominies, philanthropists, misanthropists, innocent youth, old sinners, ubiquitous “drummers,” or commercial travellers, which last are the omnipresent agents for everything under the sun, from the newly invented shawl pin to the pill that cures every mortal disease in one-twentieth of a second, and from the lately patented, self-acting tweezer, to the magic double-performing, self-adjusting, anti-freezing force pump, which has been pronounced the “greatest wonder of the nineteenth century”. All seem to be dragging a miserable existence, and constantly smoking, or indulging in agonising yawns. With their feet elevated to the level and attitude of their heads, these unfortunates contrive to pass the intervals between meals.

At the first welcome sound of the bell, all unite in a grand rush to the table, gorge themselves with two dozen different viands, from fish, fowl, flesh, to pudding, cake and molasses, and in ten minutes and five seconds, they will be found around the stove, smoking away as energetically as ever. At night they stretch their dyspeptic bodies in two tiers the whole length of the cabin, and thus the passengers pass their days on board a western steamer.Follow in the footstepsFull steam aheadSir Henry M Stanley is most famous for uttering the words: “Dr Livingstone, I presume.” But less known is the fact that he had a passion for steamboat travel, so much so that a vessel was named in his honour.The river Missouri is known locally as the Big Muddy, which the locals say is “too thick to drink and too thin to plough”, because it is laden with sediment. It passes through a varied landscape of undulating hills and vast flatlands, vineyards, canyons and forests.Stanley regarded steamboat travel as “far superior, as regards personal comfort, to any other mode of travelling”. These days only RiverBarge Excursion Lines ( ) has trips along the Missouri on a large hotel barge.Unfortunately, the unpredictable nature of the river has caused the company to cancel this year’s trip. You will have to wait until next year if you want to jump aboard. There is a trip scheduled for 15-23 August 2003, which will travel from Kansas City to Sioux City, stopping off at St Joseph and Omaha.Alternatively, you can take the road and do the route by car It’s a lonely drive, passing through very few towns.

The most direct route is to cruise along Interstate 29 from St Joseph in Missouri to Omaha in Nebraska. Car hire can be arranged through Trailfinders from £274 for 10 days (020-7937 5400).Getting thereThe nearest airport to St Joseph is Kansas City. American Airlines (08457 789789; airlines ) offers return flights from London, via Chicago, from £458.50. For more information about the two states visit and By Zo?mith. Flee the fashion capital of Europe and stock up on some shoes and Chartreuse. Wander up the steep Viale delle Mura to reach the magnificent Piazza Vecchia, the medieval heart Or if you are feeling footsore, hop on the funicular. There are plenty of fine buildings to see including the Palazzo della Ragione, Santa Maria Maggiore and the Cappella Colleoni.By car: take the A4 east and follow signs; journey time approx 45 mins.

By train: frequent service from Milano Centrale; journey time approx 50 mins.Lake ComoFor romance and Belle Epoque dreams, you cannot beat lovely Lake Como, which Wordsworth once described as “a treasure which the earth keeps to itself” These days it can get fairly overrun, especially in summer. But you cannot beat time spent on a steamer, criss-crossing the lake and stopping off at the top three lakeside towns of Managgio, Bellagio and Varenna.By car: take the A8, followed by the A9 north; journey time approx 50 mins. By train: frequent service from Milano Cardona to Como Nord Lago; journey time approx 1 hour.VigevanoShoe shops abound in this smart little town, which for centuries has been central to the shoe industry. The Shoe Museum, Italy’s only one, on Corso Cavour, has some outrageous designs. There is also one of the finest examples of Renaissance planning, the Piazza Ducale, with fabulous frescoed arcades, designed by Bramante, but supposedly influenced by da Vinci.By car: take the A7 south and follow signs; journey time approx 30 mins. By train: frequent service from Milano Cristoforo; journey time approx 35 mins.Certosa di PaviaThe most beautiful example of Lombard architecture. This vastly over-the-top monastery, one of the largest in Europe, would not look out of place at the Hearst mansion in California.