Then you saw that the craggy character actor she was standing next to was actually Seamus Heaney. You think I jest? Our sister paper, The Independent, ran a Hay Festival diary last week written by the unfeasibly beautiful actress Saffron Burrows, which at first glance looked like a prime example of starlet reportage filed straight from the Riviera. One event is stuffed full of movie stars, film producers, circling helicopters, paparazzi and American politicians trying to jump on the bandwagon. But, there again, I understand Cannes is quite glamorous, too.

Cannes or Hay? Or to put the question into its geographical perspective: Cannes sur le Med or Hay-on- Wye? The French film festival immediately precedes the Welsh literary shindig and this year I had excellent excuses, closely approximating to work, for attending both events But I had sound financial reasons for only going to one

But which? The decision made itself, really. Mr Blair should be allowed to stay on if he made adequate use of the property, Chequers. But he seems to prefer to spend his spare time instead in Italy, Egypt, Barbados, or even further-flung corners of the globe.

More from Alan Watkins. My own view is that a Labour Government should have no business playing this degrading game of musical chairs or, rather, musical country houses for spare ministers.

For this harmless frolic Mr Tony Blair has deprived his Deputy Prime Minister, or perhaps the Deputy PM has deprived himself – for it is not entirely clear which it is – of his country retreat, Dorneywood. He took the game quite seriously; while Mr John Prescott, from what one can make out, was prepared to try anything once. It seems that croquet was the least of his misdemeanours, but England is a funny old country. The last deputy leader of the Labour Party to play croquet regularly or, for that matter, casually was Roy Jenkins.